Boundaries (Updated)
This image of plate tectonics is here not because I am going to write about what happens when one plate rubs against another creating an earthquake, tidal wave or volcanic eruption but to illustrate what can happen with absence of personal boundaries: A violent shaking, a feeling of being pushed and pulled in opposite directions at the same time, frantic responses to real or imagined crises that seem to demand an immedate response.
My parents have a big garden. When volunteer plants sprout up (the extras that sprout randomly, when not even planted) they are moved them to another place where they have more room to grow, more access to sun and water, space so they don't get so entangled into another plant that both become stifled.
Without proper boundaries, lines blur and the capacity for friction as described above in the plate tectonic example above can manifest in all kinds of unhealthy ways, ways described so beautifully in this blogpost.
I am a firm believer in supporting others in maintaining healthy human boundaries, but I cannot say I have it figured out yet. I am still practicing getting better at saying no. The lines one I have to maintain for my profession can get blurry in a small town but these guidelines are there to respect and protect all parties.
In the context of personal lives, the importance of boundaries is probably pretty obvious. This goes back to my favorite example of not just social worker self care, but self care and personal boundaries in general:
I am useless to you if I cannot breathe. If I am not taking care of myself, I have nothing to offer you. I don't want to forget. This is a metaphor for everything else. Other smart people tell me I can't transmit what I do not have. Having healthy boundaries is a self-care practice and by practicing this method, I am more likely to be able to be of use to others.
Jessica, you have provided a great reminder (and good images) for something that I have had to work at over the years. I too was one of those people who just kept taking on more by not saying no to anyone. It takes work to build boundaries with others and in the same action protect yourself. It is the only way you can continue to do this type of work, especially in rural settings where you are likely to encounter the same people in different settings.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder of healthy boundaries. I find it is so easy to feel empathetic for our clients and want to help them with everything. Learning to say NO is something we have to practice or else we will run ourselves ragged doing everything for them. This can lead to enabling them and the "what can you do for me" syndrome. Then the relationship/rapport gets tangled/misconstrued just like your picture up top :)
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